Recently in Mind Candy Category

I've been dreaming of spiders lately... not a lot, but often enough to make me wonder why...
 
Normally, I never remember my dreams at all, so the fact that I have been recently makes me wonder in and of itself...
 
I'm never afraid of them, and I never kill them (though once one transformed itself into a floating frog's head of doom, which I had to swat aside...)
 
They are often light or white colored...
 
In today's dream, I was leaving work and I walked through a door and set down my bag to close the door and when I looked there was a huge spider on it... I nudged the bag and the spider crawled across it and down.  As it crawled off the bag, it contorted itself into a shape that resembled a small 4 legged mammal... And I got the feeling it didn't want to be recognized as a spider...
 
Strange... the 4 legged part...
 
So I did a Google search on 'dreams spider'...
 
Well... I am relieved to know that I am either in for some great good luck, money, or creativity...
 
OR
 
I am frightened, running into frustrations at work or using my feminine wiles to enstare some poor unsuspecting man...

HAHAHA!!
 
I can't believe how many OPPOSING interpretations there were...
 
All on one site even...
 
I guess I can just believe what I WANT to believe...
 
Oh WAIT... I do that already

photo: sfondideldesktop.com

Or rather... Creating it...

The boundaries are those of my childhood, and even though I don't fit inside them anymore...

I haven't found any others that make any better sense than those...

They are all just more shapes on a page...

That's not to say I don't believe anything...

Because I do...

Perhaps I'll just take a crayon, or a jar of paint, or eyeshadow or stars...

And make my own outline...

In some places I suppose I would be considered the most dangerous of heretics...

Not because I don't believe...

But because I won't be bound...


photo: mine

Do you create when things are falling apart? Is it a way to express the pain that is too much to keep inside?

Or are your acts of creation an expression of joy that can only take place when sheltered by a happy and stable environment?

For me it tends to be a balance (oh we haven't heard THAT before)... When my world is unbalanced for whatever reason, I can't seem to calm down or relax enough to concentrate... I can't seem to share when the pain is at it's sharpest...

On the other hand... the intoxicating energy of a situation going well is sometimes enough to keep me swimming along just enjoying it... The wonderful moments seem just too... private... to share...

So perhaps then... creativity is an act of reflection... a translation to some other medium those moments of heightened pleasure or pain...

When I'm far enough away to see them more clearly...

photo: mine

Little snippets of this and that...
Thoughts and feelings I don't want to forget... Pictures I want to capture before they evaporate...
 
Sometimes I post them someplace...
Most often I put them in a folder and leave them there...
 
When I go back to them later I often think... 'Did I write THAT??'
 
'WHAT was I thinking?  How could I have thought THAT made sense'
'Or was important'
'Or meaningful...'
 
Sometimes I'm embarassed at myself...
 
And I wonder, how do they do it?

You know, the real artists... the ones who lay their pain and anguish and happiness and self-loathing and anger out for everyone to see...

Do they go back later and wish they'd just kept it to themselves?
 
Or do they just not go back?

photo: chicago.metablogs.archives

(NO the baby bird is NOT getting married (BITE your TONGUES!!!))

Can be stressful, uncomfortable and face it, BORING! (can you say 700 names to announce?)

A lot of people skip the ceremonies, or leave as soon as they've seen what THEY want to see (why are people so self-absorbed and rude?)

But to me, even though they can be all those things... (Yes I was hot, yes I got TIRED after about name 254 (ok my kid was in the top quarter of names called)) I am grateful for them because they serve as a reality check... By trying to inspire the target audience one last time, they provide a reminder to the rest of us of the things we forget about most of the time in our day to day struggle to get by... They provide an opportunity to take time to remember what is really important...

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know that one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reset... recharge... move forward...

Think... write... delete...

History is written from the vantage point of and for the advantage of the writer... (even if that advantage comes in the form of keeping a sword away from your neck...)

In every myth there is a kernel of truth...

There are few hard and fast laws, but Maslow's Hierarchy will not be denied...

Things are not always as they seem...

People are going to do what they're going to do...






photo: God as Architect

The best thing about blogs is being able to record and communicate your innermost thoughts and feelings, and maybe to gain some insight along the way...

The worst part is when something goes sideways and you feel like something you would prefer to keep private, and maybe pretend isn't SUCH a big deal, is out for public display/debate...

I suppose it's like living in a small town... Everyone knows everyone else's business...

Sometimes it seems like even exuberance over something new can seem like a slap in someone else's face if they are still getting over you or what you had with them...

Sometimes it even seems as though a blog's very purpose (exploring inner thoughts and feelings) runs counter to being a thoughtful considerate person, if the people you care about read your blog...

Sometimes I wear sunglasses at night...


No, I'm not talking specifically about anything in my life at the moment... but it IS something I've noticed as a sort of recurring theme...

photo: www.reichertms.com

Even the most resolute among us long to cast ourselves into the sea...

 

The river flows beside my feet carrying with it all semblance of time and space…
 
And as I stand… clothed in absolute clarity… my eyes begin to adjust…
And I see… not what I would look for… but what I have refused and long forgotten…

The floating debris of regret and sorrow…
And shadows of doubt…

And if I see… what I have hidden for so long… what then?
Will I reclaim what has lain dormant?

Will I…
At last…
Be free?

photo: www.artbankstudio.com.au

You just have to go along with it...

Fighting a current that strong is just an exercise in futility anyway...

So you let go... and let the river flow where it will...

And if you're really really lucky...

It takes you where you wanted to go anyway...




photo: Rolling River - Jeanette Le Grue

So I happened to stumble across and infomercial late one night (ok so I didn't stumble, I was lured into the room and thereby trapped by the music) hawking the definitive and most GINORMOUS collection of 70s music ON THE PLANET...  And while watching the infomercial, (No, I didn't buy the collection... Would YOU buy something that advertised for 30 minutes without EVER telling you the price but would be HAPPY to let you preview the ENTIRE collection for the low low price of  $9.99???  I didn't think so...) I was reminded of a number of songs that I hadn't thought about in years...

So began my quest to procure said songs from places that will tell me how much they cost BEFORE I buy them (iTunes is my friend)... And while searching, a couple of things came to mind...

Firstly, what was it about the 70s that made breaking someone's heart ROMANTIC as long as you were up front about it ('I'd rather hurt you honestly, than mislead you with a lie...')?  I mean c'mon... Were the 50s & 60s SO emotionally repressed that ANYTHING was ok as long as it was the TRUTH???

And secondly, I have many many songs that are meaningful to me... either because they hold a special memory, or they define something I want... But I realized recently that  I have also used songs to define things I DON'T want... 

Heartbreak is NOT romantic... Honesty is NOT justification...

Two out of three will never...

Ever...

Be good enough...


photo: sheknows.com/cookingsmart
lyrics: Dan Hill & Meatloaf