Have you ever had to use the sun...

To circumnavigate your own neighborhood??

ahem... yes... well...

They say that in the land of the blind, a one-eyed man is king...

And in the land of the directionally challenged I would be flipping burgers at the local GreasyKing (that is if I ever FOUND it)!!

So anyway...

I was feeling rather ambitious today, and with the beautiful sunshine beckoning me (how much more of THAT will we get around HERE you know) I decided to go for a walk.

Now I have been rather lax in terms of working out lately (and when I say lax I mean non-existent and when I say lately I mean oh the last couple of YEARS or so) but I'm trying to get better about that. I have this new cool gadget for my iPod (can you say WHORE?) which will tell me how fast I'm walking and how far I've gone and just how long I've been torturing myself and so lured by technology I set myself a goal of walking for 45 minutes but I would have been impressed with myself if I'd made it 30.

(Que foreshadowing music)

I put on some cool techno and the lovely lady in my ears was being VERY encouraging so I walked through my sub and into the next thinking I would wind around through a few streets and come out on the main street that runs along my sub and then have a nice stretch back home...

Sadly though... the first 5 minutes too WAY longer than I expected and the second 5 minutes didn't come any more quickly... I was starting wonder what I had gotten myself into when I got distracted by something shiny and just stopped thinking about it...

Now let me pause here to say that I walk really fast... I am a fast walker by almost anyone's standards (I once dated a guy who was 6'7" and he almost couldn't keep up) so it started to seem like it wasn't going to be a big deal to make this goal after all...

I reached the 30 minute mark and told myself it was all downhill from here and however long I'd been going once I got back home was JUST FINE... I came to the busy road and started walking back in the direction of home... As I was walking I made a mental note to try to figure out how far I'd come next time I was in my car and was thinking about how different things look when you are moving more slowly...

(Que that damned music again!)

And then I came to the elementary school... the one that's... MILES from my house... the one I could probably find if I was driving my car but is WAY too far to have gotten to by foot... confused but still determined I continued forward when I came to a street sign I recognized and realized that not only was I REALLY far from home, but that I wasn't even sure about what the shortest way to get home from there WAS...

Since I could no longer fool myself into thinking I was headed toward home, I turned around and started back the other way wondering what were the chances that someone I knew would feel sorry for me and give me a ride home!!

Right about that time my gadget girlie announced triumphantly that I had MET my goal (of 45 minutes) and could END my workout by pressing the menu button... I'm sure I didn't say any bad words out loud (or at least I'm sure there were no impressionable children around) and amazingly enough, I didn't pitch the thing into the nearest bush...

Well by this time I had NO clue which streets would take me back home so there I was staring at the sun trying to keep my bearings and resist the urge to hitchhike... All the while being comforted by a cheery voice chirping 'you are 5 minutes past your goal'... 'You are 10 minutes past your goal!' (You are jealous, I can tell!!)

(Que triumphant Rocky music)

I reached the one hour (and 4 mile) mark just as I got to my driveway, and managed to remember the combination to my garage door opener and stumble up the stairs and into the house without bumping my head on anything before I collapsed in a heap in the middle of the floor... (Yeah... that was my cool down... lying in a heap, whimpering... what of it???)



It's a good thing I'm planning to just lie around and eat on my cruise, 'cause I'm SURE I STILL won't be able to move by then!!